F*CK IT, I AM FINALLY PUTTING MYSELF FIRST
BY I FEEL IT. YOU?
In the last couple of weeks, I’ve found myself being tremendously tired of putting others before myself. Without context, this may sound truly rude, but I am not talking about my close surroundings or humans who are in need. I am talking about social or professional spheres, who are not appreciative of who you are.
It was only a week ago, where I stayed up to figure out some stuff for my demanding boss until very late at night. Did I only get 3 hours of sleep? YES! Has my boss ever looked at it or said thank you? YES, you are right: The answer is NO! But I am also talking about the world as a whole. The world we were born into has produced a society, which weaves a complex net of expectations towards all of us. You. Me. Everyone.
Have you ever felt that you spend most of your life making others happy and putting their needs first? Have you ever overlooked your own happiness to please others in the process? This is how I feel. Just two days ago I accepted spontaneous dinner plans even though I was looking forward to an evening of intensive self-care and face masks. The face mask still lies untouched on the shelf and will most likely expire before I get to use it. Somehow it helps me to know that it is a collective emotion, which we all share sometimes. As humans, we all seem to worry about not fitting in, or not appearing social enough or professional enough or fashion enough or athletic enough, or whatever it is. It also makes me think of all the lost opportunities, which were only lost because I thought I was not good enough. I am tired of my mind tricking me into thinking that I am not worth it. Prioritizing others before myself also only shows me that I am not giving enough self-love to myself and that my self- regard is not where it should be. It is not until you fully love and connect to yourself until you realize how much pure potential is inside of you.
As I am letting my mind wander, I also realize that I first need to learn how to ditch the guilt of putting myself first. Because how the hell am I even going to be there for others if I am not there for myself? This might work for a while and I am naturally happy to help, but who helps me when I really need it? For how many times have I stressed myself out for unnecessary things? And did you know that stress activates our fight or flight response by releasing a hormone called cortisol? When there are increased levels of this little steroid hormone, it may cause health problems. Weight gain, higher blood pressure, a compromised immune system, and risks of other diseases?
Not for me. Be aware of who you are. Surround yourself with positivity while making sure that you create your personal empowering environment. If you start looking inside and appreciate yourself in a way nobody else has ever had, then you will be able to truly make an impact in other lives as well. So, do you remember when they told you to put your own oxygen mask on first, before helping others? This is the way to go.
PS: Indeed, I have just ordered “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*CK” by Mark Manson and it may become my new bible. Sorry, Grandma!
